The Enigmatic Vivian Maier

Wow, blogging once a week did not last long at all. I got so busy with my day job, taxes, and actual studio time, that I haven't sat down at my computer for a long time. One of these days I have to edit the "piles" of photos that I have in my files.

Speaking of photos, Matt sent a link to this astounding story about a photographer, Vivian Maier. Thousands of her undeveloped negatives were found inside a storage locker purchased at auction. John Maloof is the fortunate soul who discovered these treasures. Vivian never lived to witness the appreciation for her photos, but John has been hard at work bringing this woman's amazing photography to the public eye. Lucky for us.

Where We At?

 I LOVE this track featuring Derrick Carter.  It was especially appropriate for the end of last year and the beginning of this year.  I can't find the version that I really enjoy on a mix that I've been playing, but this one is good too.

The lyrics are what really move me:

As I stop, and take the time

To inventory, the inside of my mind

I realize, its not as full as it used to be.

With images of justice, or desires of liberty

The world has changed, or is it me that's new?

A different set of morals from a different set of clues

So still I wonder, is this all there is to life?

The ever changing cycles, in a world that's damp and ripe

There must more, yeah my heart I hold to this

I've known the joy of love and I've seen the peace and bliss

But as you know, all things must end, except the need for faith

And the spirit that's within to keep you strong

Move forward with power, program yourself to feel

With depth enough to know whats up and heart to sense the real

Where you at ?

As I stop, for the frame we set aside

Below the bassline a secret place awaits for us to hide.

To pass the time as the war goes on-and-on.

A post-apocalyptic sunset, a post-apocalyptic dawn.

Of just a thought of the world we once possessed

A place that wasn't honest was just a house with an address.

A false existence, wrought with fear and mistrust, a life inside a box

No life inside of us.

Find your soul, use your inner voice,

The road less traveled, is now the path of choice.

Realize, with time comes change

New attitudes, new values, priorities rearranged.

Move forward with power, program yourself to feel

With depth enough to know whats up and heart to sense the real.

Where you at?

Bob Ross Remixed | Happy Little Clouds | PBS Digital Studios

This makes me smile.  A little fun for Sunday painting. 

Goals for 2013

December 21, 2012 Solstice Sunrise

2013 has been slow for me.  I got sick on December 21, when Matt and I went out to Joshua Tree to celebrate the winter solstice.  I've still haven't fully recovered.  Every time I work too hard or have a few drinks, I get sick all over again.  I've had the flu twice and a stomach bug once since December.  Through it all I've been very fatigued and battling a nasty cough.

Work (food styling work) has been slow which is good because I've been exhausted.  There's been a lot of time on my hands and I wish I could say that I was working away in my art studio, or drawing and embroidering at home, but I wasn't.  It feels as if all of my mojo has been drained out of me.  I barely have read my books that I have lying around.  Instead, I did a lot of internet surfing.  I feel guilty, but it's all I could mostly do.  I did sometimes manage to go to my studio, where I would sit and stare into space, doodle a little, and do some other miscellaneous things.  I feel frozen about starting anything and I'm full of self doubt.

This is an incubation period.  That's how I'm looking at it.  A time to reassess my values, time, and priorities.  While surfing the internet, I read an article that asked, what are 5 impressive things that you DO?  Not 5 things that you are.  Most people would say, I'm loving, I'm a hard worker, etc.  No, the question is what are 5 interesting things that you DO?  This made me think and I wrote a list of what I want to accomplish this year.  It may not all be impressive things to do, but sticking to this list would make me feel good.

It's a new year and I just had a birthday.  It's a good time for this. 
Here are my 2013 Goals:

~Have a complete, cohesive body of artwork in 6-10 months (by August-December)-
I tend to go all over the place with my art.  I tend to take this scattered approach to everything in my life because my interests have always been so varied.  It ends up being frustrating because I feel that my wheels are just spinning.

I get so excited by all of the ideas I have and I can't keep up with them all.  I have journals full of ideas.  I'm always inspired by what I see around and whatever I'm working on also inspires new ideas.  I want to jump to the next project.  All of the time.  I sometimes don't really like what I'm working on and I will abandon it, or I get bored, or distracted.

This approach is not the appropriate way of going about things if I want to pursue an art career.  So this year, I commit to a vision and I will complete a cohesive body of work.

This also means managing my time better so that I am out the door and in my studio at a decent hour.

~Spend less time surfing the internet-
This will help manage my time so that I can use it for art instead of mindless browsing.  Maybe I should get a timer.  Definitely waste too much time on Facebook.  I also waste time on the internet in general.  I'll look something up, read the news, or visit art sites and I get sucked in for 2-4 hours!  That's ridiculous.  I'm setting time limits.  I'm setting a timer.

~Blog at least once a week-
I know that I said I need to spend less time surfing the internet, but this is different.  This is part of my personal expression.  But I have two blogs.  A food blog and this artsy-personalish blog.  Once a week on both?  I think I will start with once a week with either.

~Write-
Blogging is a good start.  But I miss the other journalistic, poetic writing I used to do.  I once read that David Sedaris keeps a journal.  It's for his eyes only.  Sometimes there's very mundane stuff in it.  It sounded like he just wrote in his computer and then printed it out at the end of the year for his own personal use.  I like the sound of that.  I plan to keep a written journal of dreams, thoughts, poems and stories this year.

~Finish the art pieces that need finishing-
These projects are taking up space in my head which needs to be freed for the new work!

~ Do a drawing or painting a day-
I want to sharpen my drawing skills and also free my creativity.  Maybe this is a lot for a whole year, especially with all the other goals.  The drawing is only meant to be done as a quick observation exercise or a way to loosen up.  I could also extend the drawing/painting over several days if it gets detailed.  By painting, I mean a small watercolor or acrylic painting, most likely watercolor.  Sometimes it will just be a doodle.  I want not pressure in this exercise.
I think I will start with a drawing/painting a day for a month.  Starting today.  Actually I started it yesterday, February 10.  :-)

~ Learn an instrument-
Is this too much to do with work, exercise, art making, writing, paperwork, home stuff, and relationship stuff??  I know that learning music is not only fun, it also stimulates the brain.  It keeps aging at bay and at 42 years of age, I need to start exercising my brain more.

Years ago I took a semester of piano and really enjoyed it.  I also took singing lessons.  A few semesters worth.  I also like electronic music and would love to make some tracks but learning a music program seems like a HUGE commitment, another ball of wax, something that would take all my time away from visual art.  Perhaps too much time in front of a computer, but a great way of audio expression.

I also have a ukulele I bought a few years ago, but was too undisciplined.  I got frustrated with the fingering.  The uke is such a fun, portable little instrument that seems to bring joy to those around it, and I like that.

So I narrowed it down to:

-Signing up for some online uke classes.  It looks like its broken down into easy parts for people like me.  The price is great.  I just gotta commit.  This is what goals are all about, right?  Or...
 
-taking the Garage Band piano lessons.  Sticking to them.  Maybe afterwards following up with classes through an adult education program or local music store.  Or/and...

-taking and Ableton Live class.  Maybe I should take this anyway because it could give me some good basics that may be needed even if I am going the analog way.

~Lose 5 pounds-
Once I have my energy back, I'm getting back into my exercise routine.  I will also exercise self control when I'm working on set.  There are too many tempting snacks on those jobs!  When I lose the 5 pounds, then I can think about the next 5.  Baby steps

~Meditate-
This is so simple yet so hard to stick by.  I even told myself I can just meditated for 5-10 minutes and I still have a hard time sticking to it.

~Sit with other meditators-
I want to be around other people on a similar spiritual path.

~ Invest my money in stocks and pick a new IRA-
I have some money set aside for this but I've been hesitant.  Understandably a little nervous.  But I've also been lazy about doing research and going through the paperwork.

~Volunteer-
A friend told me she knows of an organization that has trouble finding volunteers to drive homeless people to plays and concerts.  I would enjoy doing that- bringing a little joy and culture to people.

Remembering Michelle Vignes

I thought of Michelle yesterday when I found the tarragon mustard that she favored at a discount store, of all places.  I bought it and remembered how much she taught me about food.  Michelle was a tough, smart, elderly woman who I lived with for six months in Diamond Heights.  Sometimes she was crabby but who wouldn't be if you had to live with a painful hip for most of your life?  I always admired her strength and how she just managed to go about her daily business without much complaint or asking for pity.  She was very political and I would have a hard time keeping up with her conversations when they turned to worldly matters.  She would look at me disdainfully and say, "You're not very political, are you?  Hmf."  I have since then have been a little better about keeping up with present world events. 

Michelle was a social documentary photographer whose work included photographing the events and people centered around the American Indian Movement.  I also remember her "Blues" series which was very up close and personal.  I've always been timid about photographing strangers and I admired her courage and ability to photograph people beyond her immediate social circle.

Michelle was an amazing cook and she loved rich food.  She cooked mostly country-style French and she was an important figure in the formation of my culinary career.  I loved eating with her.  We always had fresh bread with the meal.  There was always a selection of cheeses in the fridge for after dinner or lunch.  We usually had a glass of red or white wine with dinner.  Bogle was her favorite brand.  She said it was a bargain.  She enjoyed having a single cookie after dinner.  She had diabetes but she wasn't going to deprive herself of life's little pleasures. 

I didn't call her after I left San Francisco.  I guess I was always afraid she would criticize my art or something in my life.  I remember her once saying, "You haven't found yourself".  I believe that I've "found myself" but I suppose I was waiting for everything to become perfect in my life before I contacted her again.  But is anything ever completely perfect for long?  I googled her once or twice in the past.  I remember the last time I looked her up, I thought that I would send an email to her soon.  I knew I had to do it soon because she was old.  But I forgot.  Or maybe I was afraid.  I don't remember. 

Today, I was reminiscing about the places I have lived in San Francisco and when I reached the Diamond Heights house in my mental timeline, I googled Michelle.  I was hoping she was still alive, but sadly, she passed away just three months ago, on October 5, 2012.  She was 84.  

So I'm remembering dear Michelle Vignes tonight.  She had a beautiful home that was eclectically furnished in a tasteful bohemian way.  I thought she had great taste.  She was stylish.  She was homey and she loved her two cats.  I especially liked Kali the fat, black cat.  Michelle had a sharp tongue and sharp wit.  Sometimes she was a little inappropriate.  She was feisty, but she was also kind and caring.  She always had fresh potted herbs.  How she managed that, I don't know.  All of my potted herbs die so quickly. 

I'm sorry, Michelle.  I must remember to never take anyone for granted and remember to check in and say hello to those who have touched my life.  Everyone is here for just a brief moment.

I am glad that you will always be with me in the recipes that I penned from our meals that we shared together.  Good memories.  Rest in peace, Michelle.

Sophia Remembering

Sophia Remembering, originally uploaded by amparojelsma.

 I had to take a break from the embroidery/crewel work.  There is a huge learning curve for me and I get frustrated with always pulling out my imperfect stitches.  I decided to go where my brain hasn't gone in a while, which is figurative / representational drawing.  I had a really nice time in my watercolor class last year.  I would enter a state of flow while painting and I wanted to go back there.  Stitching doesn't get me into a state of flow, at least not yet.

There is a lot for me to learn with drawing and painting.  I see so many mistakes and where I need to improve.  Hands and feet are difficult to draw and it's been many moons since I've drawn them so I left them out here.  
I also find that I'll have an idea of what I want to draw or paint, but the finished product is much different than I pictured.  

What Happening in the Studio

Embroidered Tree- in progress, originally uploaded by amparojelsma.

This is what I've been working on lately, among other things.  I like mixing embroidery with paint on canvas.  It's progressing REALLY slowly, though.  I've been experimenting a lot with other things in the studio, so when I get restless with this, I try my hand at something else.

I'm feeling a mixture of excitement and frustration with my work.  There is so much I want to do yet everything is moving at a snail's pace and not always to my satisfaction.  My sewing machine has been in the shop for a couple of weeks and I can't complete a few projects.  I'm wondering if I should just buy a whole other machine.  But then I get completely confused about what to get when I research the machines.

Hopefully, I don't run out of this crewel thread.  I have only one skein and this brand is discontinued.  I tried to find more online, but the companies do not answer my emails and they do not pick up the phone.  What kind of business is that? 

Anyways, maybe I can finish this this week and make some more progress with my other pieces.