Thursday, December 30, 2004

Disaster Relief

I'm ashamed to admit that I just found out about the Tsunami disaster. I don't always keep up with the news and I've been sort of reclusive lately. Please make a donation to one of these disaster relief funds to help out the victims:



Red Cross

Sulekha

Care



Every little bit counts; even $5 helps make a difference. It only takes 5 minutes to do so.

Happy Holidays!

It is almost 2005 and I've been doing the usual assessing that most people do around this time. I also feel a little extra pressure because my birthday is coming up in just a little over a month. There's been the mad dash to organize the piles in my home and head. I made a deadline to try to finish some of the de-piling by the end of the year but who knows if I'll make it. Especially if I'm here on the internet writing in my blog and compulsively checking my email!
I made this list inspired by an entry by Andrea of Superhero Designs. She writes about creating intentions and the Mondo Beyondo list which is a list of the bigger than big dreams that you have. So here is my list. Small intentions mixed in with big dreams. I'm calling out...I'm throwing out some stardust to the universe in the hopes of turning them into twinkling little stars.


I intend to:


-Show the people in my life how much I love them.

-Practice kindness to strangers.

-Say hello to strangers in a confident way.

-Organize my life and keep it that way.

-Drink more water.

-Breathe more deeply.

-Exercise regularly.

-Have less distraction/procrastination time.

-Wake up earlier.

-Get a commercial agent.

-Land a national commercial so that the money can allow me to pursue my passions more easily.

-Become a talented actress. Acting was once a passion that I let go of because I listened to too many people.

-Get a theatrical agent and land "real roles".

-Continue photographing and working with mixed media.

-Break new ground in my visual work.

-Get a gallery show/find representation.


May you all have wonderful 2005 and may your dreams, big and small, come true!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

JPG Magazine


This photo will be published in JPG Magazine which will be coming out in January. It is one of my favorite photos which was taken in front of my place in San Francisco. I love the little dinosaurs on the mattress.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Earrings

This weekend I did something that marked a change in my life...

I took out my 8 gauge earrings that I've had in my ears for 7 years. I actually wanted to take them out a while ago, but couldn't do it myself. I needed special pliars to open them and I just never go around to going to a piercing shop to do so. They were given to me by a 20 year old raver guy with whom I had a short little fling with in San Francisco. He wore pants that completely covered his feet, bleached hair, and had a big rod through his nasal septum. I was intrigued. He also had colorful alien tattoos all over his body which he said signified the rave culture that saved him when he ran away from home at 14 years of age. He never finished high school. I picked a real winner, eh?


He did a lot of drugs and by the time he left San Francisco (His stay wasn't long.) he was addicted to heroin and shot it up at least once. Sad. He really didn't think that he had anything going for him and drugs were all that he had. He told me this in so many words. I wasn't seeing him at this point, although I paid him a couple of visits.


I lent him twenty bucks when he left for Colorado. I knew that I would never see the money again which was a lot for my broke ass. Months later the phone woke me up from my morning sleep. It was him and he just wanted to thank me for my help. That was it and I have no idea where and how he is in this world now.

That is the story behind the earrings which were given to me when he decided that he was going to get bigger gauged earrings and pierce his entire body. They don't hold any sentimental value regarding him but I do like their history. They sort of signified a certain period in my life. My dancing days. My San Francisco days. My hazy days. My crazy days.

When my friend who is a piercer took them out this weekend, I felt a twinge of sadness, like I was losing a little part of myself.



Oooh, but did I mention that I now have a whole new category of accessorizing now?

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Damn It!

I've been working on a photographic series of a very cliched subject for past 7 years. So I there are many other photographers out there in the world working on that very same subject. I am not expecting to be original about the whole thing. What is disappointing is when I walk into a gallery and see photos done in an exact format and style as this particular series. Even more disappointing is looking at a shelf in said gallery and seeing a book by this same photographer with these photographs inside.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Kicking the habit

So I think that I have finally kicked my "social smoking" habit for good. I went on a quasi-cleanse that included two weeks of no sugar and one month of no drinking or smoking. ( Although, I told myself from the onset that I could make special exceptions to the no drinking rule since this is the holiday season. But it had to be a very special occasion, e.g. Thanksgiving.)


John and I had a holiday party this last weekend that happened to land on the day that I was finally able to drink with no apologies. Thinking back on that evening, I'm pretty amazed that I didn't have that crazy craving for a cigarette that I always get after a few drinks. It's terrible; I usually can't stop thinking about it until I finally have a smoke.

Anyways, my friend says that she is going out to the balcony for a smoke and asked if I'd like one. I didn't REALLY want one, but since smoking is what I usually do while drinking, I thought, "Alright, why not? I know that my lungs have been clean for a month but what the hell? It's my holiday party! Whee!" I had lost all judgment and didn't even truly want to smoke. It just seemed like the thing to do at the moment.


I can't even remember whether I smoked one or two cigarettes, that's how toasted I was. What I do remember is that I started feeling sick and someone asking me, "Are you alright?" Uh-oh, this was the familiar feeling of smoking a cigarette that is way too strong for me but now combined with having drank (drunk?) too much.

I ended up throwing up. Maybe that is too much information, but this must be told to stress how much I have been affected.


Now, I have absolutely no desire or curiosity about smoking a cigarette. The true test came when I was at an art opening with a friend the other night. She lit up and at first I had an ingrained reaction from years of social smoking. I sort of lit up and my attention zoomed in on her actions, but then only a split second later I felt, "ew". When I smelled the smoke I actually had to step away because it made me feel ill.


I now have a very negative association with smoking. I only hope that this association never fades.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Saloon Girl


Here I am dressed and made up as a saloon girl for the movie. I think that I look kind of scary with all of that makeup on.

The whole thing was pretty fun.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

New Responsibilities

Well my art and photo projects will have to be on hold for a little while. I can say that this is a good thing...


Everything seems to be happening at once. First, I signed up for an acting class and this is a little different than the other ones that I have taken recently. I have just been doing cold reading and I must try my best to memorize my lines for this class. The people in it are pretty serious and I am excited about learning and developing the craft more.


Last month, I had signed up at a casting agency that specializes in background workers. I received a call at 11:39 AM while I was running errands.

"Hi this is B from C. Would you like to go to a meet and greet for a part in a feature?"

"Um, well, wow. This is really last minute. I am out and about right now," I say as I am trying to maneuver my car in a parking lot.


"How about tomorrow?"


"Is this about being an extra in a movie?"


"No this is a part in a feature film"

"Oh, well I suppose I can try to make it."


She gave me the info and told me to look sexy since the part is for a saloon girl. Sexy? It was cold and drizzly out. But I did my best.


When I arrived at the ranch, I realized that I should have gotten one small detail: the name of the production. I went to 2 different film sets (which included Fear Factor) before I found the right one. I also felt quite silly walking around in heels at a ranch.


The meet and greet was simple. I was introduced to the director, we exchanged pleasantries, and he approved. As a second thought, he asked me to open my jacket. This is where I felt strange since I am not one to exhibit my wares in such a fashion. But I obliged and he gave me the thumbs up. Afterward, I proceeded to get fitted in my saloon girl outfit.


This is not a major part or anything. It is known as a silent bit part. There is not any dialogue but there will be a little more attention on me (and the 2 other saloon girls) than a regular extra because we are a part of the story.


Last week, I did a commercial agent mailing and received a call from an agency. I have an appointment next week and I must have a monologue AND a commercial ready. That means that I have 3 (that includes the script from my class) different scripts to memorize! I am freaking out! My memory is not the best due to my crazy days of raving and I have to work extra hard to get my lines down. Oh no!!!!

I am excited by all of these changes and challenges. Wish me luck!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

I have way too many near misses when I drive in LA.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Raw Fish

I just ate 2 pieces of hamachi that I bought from Japanese market on Thursday. It is Monday. Oh jeez, why did I do that?

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I always like to try something new or different

Before I left San Francisco, I modelled for a photographer I have assisted over the years. I trusted her and she is an excellent photographer and so it was a very satisfying and fun experience.


I recently heard that she is now represented by Robert Tat and it was those pictures from our sessions that garnered his attention. That puts a smile on my face.

You can see a photo here. I became very itchy and broke out in a huge rash from those flowers. It was worth it.

Quote of the Day

Everyone is born an original, but most die copies. -- Abraham Lincoln

Monday, November 8, 2004

Deadly Skeeters on the Loose!

This evening, while doing my sunset-beach jog I came a disturbing sign on my way home. It said, "West Nile virus found in or around this area". This sign was beside a lagoon one block away from my house. Mosquitoes LOVE me. I have literally been attacked by them and have counted 30-50 bites on my body in the past. I guess I shouldn't do anymore sunset jogs since dusk and dawn are their favorite times to feed.

I've always wondered why some people (like me) seem to attract more mosquitoes than others. I used to like to say it was because I am so sweet but I know that isn't really why. I did a little online research and found out that it really has to do with the amount of odors that are released from my body. Hm, I suppose that I am particularly odorous then?

Saturday, November 6, 2004

The Outcome

I have to say that I am disgusted by the election results.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Becky Allen / Becky Williams

Last night I dreamt that I found my long lost friend's mother and was relieved to know that I could contact Becky. I miss her. She moved to St. Croix, has had a very rocky long-term relationship, only sometimes has a phone, and has no clue about the internet. I couldn't contact her when I moved to LA and now she has no way of finding me.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Traffic in LA Can Be So Bad

Yesterday it took me 45 minutes to just drive 5 miles. Should've only taken me 15 minutes according to Mapquest.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Water Photos



I've been busy scanning images of my new series, "River Visions".

Friday, October 22, 2004

Trip Pic


Thank you Mr. Bronx Bus Driver for giving me a free pass into the NY Botanical Gardens. I got to explore the nations largest conservatory and see the Japanese autumn garden exhibit in the courtyard.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Stop

While at the gym, I should be spared the sight of a guy lying down in the stretching area with a woman on top of him and making smooching noises. This is the GYM and I don't feel comfortable stretching in room with a couple going at it just a few yards from me. Blech.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Personal Chef

I love cooking; I love it so much that I'd sometimes sit with a cookbook and browse the recipes while eating.

So did I mention that I love my new job? I am now a personal chef and I get to shop for food and cook for a living!


I only work 3 days per week so I spend the rest of my time pursuing other creative endeavors. My whole life (including my work life) is now full of creativity.

Monday, August 23, 2004

More Images

I realized that I needed to submit more of my work but I can't do it fast enough with just 3 sets of slides with an organization/gallery or 2 wanting to hold a set. I looked into getting more dupes and found out that it would cost me a couple hundred dollars. I looked into other alternatives and found out that most places accept quality digital prints. While trying to print out some work, my printer died and I ran into other various computer problems in the process. I spent an entire evening screwing around with my printer and finally gave up. I even took the damn thing apart and made it worse, of course.

Kinkos was my next option and when I brought my custom color prints in, they wouldn't copy them because the photo paper has printed all over the back "Do not duplicate. Copyrighted material." I got in a little heated argument with a Kinko's guy telling him that I have the negatives and that I also have a website that contains my name and the same photographs that I had in my hand. That apparently wasn't good enough and I left the place in complete frustration. I COULDN'T MAKE COPIES OF MY OWN PHOTOS THAT I TOOK MYSELF!! I totally understand copyright infringement and he was doing his job, but damnit...I had no clue that my prints had those words all over the back.

Anyways, I decided to get my images printed from a computer file and I think that is working out.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

6 Months Away

I think that I am beginning to have an I'm-about-to-enter-my-mid-thirties-crisis.

Monday, August 2, 2004

Saturday, July 24, 2004

A New Toy

I just got my new turquoise and white hoop from Vera and I love it!!

Now I must pack because I am off for a short visit to SF after work tommorrow!

An Event I Wish I Missed

I went to an event at the Track 16 Gallery in Santa Monica where the entire show was sponsored by Scion. If it was up to me, I would have left right away, but I wasn't the one driving. (That's LA living.)


The whole urban art movement is huge and Scion is using it to reach its target consumers. I don't want to go into too much detail but it was just graffiti on what looked like paper cut-outs of car parts. I know that many events are corporate sponsored and that the sponsors have helped out artists' careers, but this was just too blatant.  Too commercial.


I was also very unimpressed by the art. I like urban art, but there needed to be more than what was mostly muddy graffiti. I know that there were some masters there but I just couldn't get past Scion being in my face wherever I turned.  I suppose that this was just a GRAFFITI only show and not a general urban art show which would have encompassed more media.


So that's my mini review of that show and I refuse to link to the event directly so if you want to know more about it, you'll have to do an online search.


I just wished that I went to the Create Fixate show instead.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Links!

I have just added some more links on my sidebar. I don't know everyone personally, but I like to visit these places every now and then.


I'll keep ya'll updated on the links when I add them.


Some people have also told me that they weren't aware that they can comment on this site. Well, if you look at the bottom of each post, there is a word that says "comments". A comment box appears when you click on that link.

I welcome comments and try to respond, I just sometimes forget to do so right away.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Procrastination

It all started with Mozilla where I could use the tabbed browsing feature and look at 10, 15 (or 20!) sites at once. Now I have Safari since I've upgraded my computer. Anyways, I really hate admitting this but I am a serious net junkie. The internet is where I always like to go to when I am procrastinating. My desk is a complete disaster and I am looking for anything online just to avoid The Pile.

Blew It

I have been so happy about my acting class lately and it really sucked that I blew my monologue on our last day. I didn't do my homework and tried memorizing my lines a half an hour before I left for class. I have a terrible memory, so of course I forgot my lines when I was up in front of everyone. I could barely act because I was too busy trying to remember what to say.

There was a terrible moment when I froze and stared like a deer at the camera and knew the lines were hiding in a dark corner of my brain. I grabbed my script, but it was too late and all I could feel was frustration.

I feel like I was acing the class and failed the "final". UGH!!

I'm so mad about the whole thing and should have just done a cold reading instead.


I will NOT watch the videotape of myself. I cringe at the thought of it.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Idyllic Memories

It is summertime, it's warm, I'm near the beach, and I miss my SF friends. I've been having sensory flashbacks when I feel or smell something in the air. There is a memory that keeps resurfacing which makes me long for the time I spent with 2 close friends in Indonesia in the the summer of 1999.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

I Am Back

At least I think so.

I've been so caught up with looking for work that everything fell by the wayside. Then I found a job and all of my time was taken up trying to do the job right. I even had nightmares!

Anyways, I now work as a personal chef Friday-Sunday. Just 3 days and the pay is good. Yay!

I'll try to post more often as I slowly piece the rest of my life together.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

So That I Can Keep Track

I have just created an "Acceptances" file that includes acceptance letters that I receive from art submissions and other positive responses to my art. :-)

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Switching to OS X

After several days of hell, I finally have Entourage running and recovered what I thought were lost emails and addresses. Whew!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

On the Lines

The best feeling I have when I work the crisis line is when

someone thanks me for listening.

The worst feeling is when I get off the phone with a difficult

call and realize I should have said something that could have

made a difference.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Quote of the Day

I got this from an art related email list that I belong to:


Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.

Art is knowing which ones to keep.


~ Scott Adams

Friday, June 11, 2004

What I Miss in San Francisco

-Hearing snippets of conversation while riding public transportation.

-Sourdough walnut bread that doesn't cost $8 per loaf.


-Street festivals I could ride my bike to.

-Rainbow Grocery. It has everything one can imagine. A HUGE bulk section and large selection of soaps that smell good.

-Having a nice walk to a friend's house.

-Clothes Contact. Where clothing is bought by the pound. It's a great store to get a funky outfit.

-Street Life.

-Riding my bike to do earrands.

-Walking a very short distance to lots of yummy places to eat.

-Prudence, a fuzzy, marmalade, princess of a kitty who adorned my bed.

-The San Francisco Photography Center where I only paid $5 per visit. There is no other deal like that!!

-My wonderful friends.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Art Submisssion

I tore open the familiar bubble-lined manila envelope while muttering, “It’s another rejection.” I pulled out the contents and only saw the slides.


“Damnit, who did I mail these out to? Why isn’t there a letter? How rude!” The silence from whomever I sent my work to was more insulting than a rejection letter. As if they couldn’t bother with the likes of my art. As if they just glanced at my slides, threw them in the SASE and sealed it up with no afterthought. As if they thought, “Why bother?”


I felt cheated.


I picked up the envelope again and peeked in with one eye. There it was, the letter. Oh.

I unfolded it and read:


Thank you for your interest in showing your work with Melrose Lightspace. We have enjoyed viewing your work and are interested in including it in our 2004 exhibition season. We will be contacting you in the coming months to schedule a meeting and discuss details. Congratulations.


Oh!  :-)

Old Journal Fragment

He used to woo me with sequins and rhinestones.

Techinical Difficulties

I am struggling with plaster for a project that I am working on. Grrr!



Friday, May 28, 2004

When Time Slowed Down

I was cruising down the 10 East when what seemed like all of a sudden, the brake lights of the cars ahead of me turned bright. I waited a couple of seconds before lightly braking. I realized that I was coming up too quickly and I braked harder. Oh my god, the car did in front did not seem to be moving. Time slowed down as my brakes locked and my car kept sliding ahead. An adrenaline filled calm came over me as I stiffened with my back against the seat. Oh shit, I was going to get into a terrible accident! Fuck! Without looking into the other lane, I started to turn my wheel. My car kept sliding forward, but now at a slight angle. I heard screeching behind me. Oh no! What if a car hits me from the other lane? Ack! I'm going to be in one of those pileup accidents you hear about!!


And then, just in the nick of time, my car stopped and the traffic kept on moving.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

This Weekend

I've been having a great weekend. Friday evening started off with
going to the Chuck Arnoldi show at the Bobbie Greenfield Gallery. I had worked on

many of the frames and it was satisfying to see my handiwork on the finished
product in a gallery setting.


Later, John got some spumoni ice cream for me and then we headed out
to the Scope Los Angeles art fair.  We arrived a little late with only 15-20 minutes to see the exhibition so we had to run through the fair. There were about 50 galleries showing and we barely touched the tip of the iceberg. Anyways, lots of great art by new artists. Very refreshing. My favorite galleries that
I saw were Bank and Mixed Greens.


Saturday, I spent some time in the studio before heading out to my
commercial acting workshop. I love that class! It is so safe

and I'm learning so much. I like getting out of my skin.

And even though I had to work after class, I had Keiko and Trast
on my team at the catering job. It was nice to be around familiar faces. I'll be seeing them at the 11 year

Full Moon Gathering also.


I'm going to try to make it to the Diane Arbus show on Sunday after
I get some shut eye! It should be amazing.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Been Checking Out...

I love discovering art that makes me smile and people who live so creatively. I've been looking and reading Rachael, who paints and My Paper Crane, a site owned by a super-crafty chick.


I also found Learning To Love You More. It's a web site with assignments and displays the ones that people have done. The website is even being shown at the Whitney. Check it out!

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Tea Time

I've fallen in love with the Jin Patisserie. Yummy teas, coffee, and special pastries.

They even serve a full afternoon tea. Double yum! Which, by the way, many people mistake for high tea. Afternoon tea is served with sweets and finger foods. High tea is actually dinner. A bit of internet research educated me. (I am an information junky.)


Anyways, the setting of Jin Patisserie is serene: curvy

walkway, circular couches to lay on (and tables and chairs if you prefer

those), lush green reeds, and a bubbling fountain.

And the mellow green, orange, and blue color scheme is so tastefully

done. It is sort of an East meets West teahouse.

I've been there twice in one weekend!

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Commercial Acting Workshop

Embarrassing moment:

It's the first day of my commercial acting workshop. I am late and nervous.

I check my teeth and hair, but when I try to push open the door to

the room, it won't open. I see the teacher sitting on her desk, she

glances over at me. I wave but she continues talking to the class.

Wow, she must really dislike tardiness, I think to myself. I push

on the door and knock again.

"Is this the commercial acting class?" I ask.

There is a look of confusion on her face and she looks away.

A change of energy and rustling takes place inside the room.

Finally a young woman walks to the door, turns the knob and pushes

the door towards ME.



Oh my god. I never even bothered PULLING the door!

I walked into that room so embarrassed and tried so hard to regain

my dignity despite a few amused looks.


The class:


I like it. It is challenging. I am not a good actor and I feel

so vulnerable putting myself out in front of people like that.

But that is what I enjoy about the class. I love trying new

things and placing myself outside of my comfort zone. I get

a kick out of the improv part of the class. I can be as wild

and silly as I want.



The teacher is an older, tall, blond, ultra-skinny woman who

wears heavy eye makeup. There is a strange glamour to her.

She wore a butterfly in her hair and has a light brown, curly

haired dog named Pancake. When I first saw her, I wasn't so

sure that I was going to like her. But her teaching method

won me over. She puts her students at ease and pushes us

without hurting us.



She is also a former Doublemint Twin. One of the cute blond

long haired girls back in the 70's. I'm pretty impressed

by that little tidbit.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Weekend Fun

I didn't get any art-making time in this weekend due to out-of-town guests. It was full of fun, though. Sandrine (my French cousin) made crepes with bechamel sauce on Friday night. Saturday, we went to the Getty Center, then I quickly changed when we got home so that I could rush off to a wedding with John. When we got home at midnight, my friend Cat from SF was waiting and Sandrine, Cat, and I went out to a Wicked party and didn't get home until 6am. Woke up at 2:30pm Sunday and went to the Brewery Artwalk and saw some lovely paintings by Wanya Chou.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Pearl

I still compare things to San Francisco. I went to the Pearl art aupply store and found it to be less orderly with merchandise shoved all up against eachother and less cool stuff. I felt a little lost and longed for the 3 level, downtown San Francisco store. What remained the same were the slacker-style art guys hanging out by the markers and spray paint.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

New York, Here I Come! (Maybe)

I received a phone call while I was out from the International Center of Photography in NYC. They want to set up an interview with me for an intership that I have applied for. Oooh, I'm nervous! I really want this internship! And what do I do when I get it? I need to find a place to stay for the summer. I've been contacting people already about it.


It's been a dream of mine to live in NYC for a little while and experience the whole art/photography scene. If I get this internship, I am going to fully immerse myself in it!

Okay, I must breathe. Can't get too excited because I haven't even been interviewed yet!

Thursday, April 8, 2004

How Could I Be So Careless?

I broke the handle of my most favorite teapot on Earth. I found it in Japan and it is irreplacable. It is a sad night.

Friday, April 2, 2004

Messy Studio Time

I've been unearthing all of my scraps that I have saved over the years for making collages. They are bringing up many memories and are making my heart flutter.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Self Gratification

Today, while sneezing from the dust at work, I remembered how I used to make myself sneeze when I was a little girl. I would hit my nose dead center with the heel of my palm and that would usually start a sneezing fit. I used to do this several times in a row and manage to never really hurt my nose because the force was calculated.


You may be wondering, what was I doing? Was I some sort of masochist? Well, I experienced no pain while doing this and I would get some sort of natural high from sneezing so much. I'd get all woozy and let out a big blissful sigh.


During the 10th grade, I learned in a biology class that sneezing triggers the same pleasure centers in the brain as an orgasm does. That explained it all to me.


I'm a born hedonist.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

My Site

I've been working on my art website for the past week. It is still not perfect but it looks a lot better.

I can now move on to other things.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Painting Again

I've been wanting to get back into doing collage and a little painting. The painting is a hard shift for me because I haven't done it in so long and the mediums that I've felt comfortable most comfortable working with is photography, ceramics, and collage/assemblage. I like the process of piecing things together and painting is more about color on a 2-d surface. It is like I am learning a medium all over again. It is a little frustrating because things aren't quite looking like how I want them to. But I'll just keep painting because I miss participating in a process where I enter a state of flow.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

C-Stands

When the photographer said that we might have to put a c-stand up, I froze. I can't ever get those things up without a fight. I prayed that he wouldn't be looking when that time came. Luckily, it never did.

Monday, March 8, 2004

Celebrating in the Desert

Went to a Full Moon Gathering this weekend. I had a really great time despite all of the psytrance. Too bad it got broken up in the morning right before John was about to play.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

East vs. West

My friends Jessie and Mike stayed with us for a few days before heading off on their 5 month trip to various places around the world with their first stop in Fiji. Jessie is my dear friend from San Francisco who may move away from the west coast if her boyfriend gets accepted into an architecture school on the east coast. I hope that they have the most awesome trip and and come back to live on the west coast. I had tears in my eyes when I thought of them this evening.

Sunday, February 29, 2004

A Birthday in the House

Last night I went out dancing with a bunch of people to celebrate my friend Tabitha's birthday. We shook our asses to the sounds of David Alvarado and Doc Martin . The space was great and loads of people were moving. I haven't gotten my groove on to good house music in such a long time. The bass was so heavy during Doc's set that I could feel the vibrations in my nostrils. (I made sure that I had my earplugs in!)

It was nice to hang with some people in LA who are becoming my friends.

Oooh, what fun we had! My legs are tired and I'm smiling.

Friday, February 27, 2004

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Recurrent Nightmares

I like to write, draw and paste all sorts of things in my journals. I was looking through my old ones for inspiration and came across something that I had saved from a conversation with a friend. It illustrates a period in my life:

"...and when he would sleep in my bed, I would have the screaming dream."

It's haunting when I read it and I am so happy that I have passed through that time.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Small Plate, Big Portions

It seems like I have less and less time. I have to divide my time up between work, sleep, John, play (which includes socializing), exercise, errands (paperwork and cleaning will be lumped in here), volunteering, making art, and the business of art. Usually the art and exercise gets cut out if I make time for socializing, and vice-versa. It is frustrating and I'm feeling very off-center because I haven't done much art-making.

Oh, why wasn't I a trust fund child?

John says that I have very bad time management skills.

I just shouldn't have spent a few too many years getting silly and dancing around at raves and clubs. I'm always saying that to myself and everyone else. I know that I mustn't regret the past. Besides, it sure was a heck of a lot of fun. Those were some of the best years of my life. It was a time of losing and finding myself in the medium of dance music.

Waves

After the sun came up my cousin, a friend, and I walked to the beach and watched the waves in silence. Contemplating the ocean reminded me that there is nothing to fear about dying.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Simplicity on Valentine's Day

While many people were dealing with crowded restaraunts, John and I were content to eat bi bim bap and unagi don at the Marukai market food court. (It is a grocery store with mostly Japanese foods and other products. The adjoining food court serves both yummy Japanese and Korean dishes.)

It was exactly where we wanted to be.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

A Simple Request

I am going to cut and paste something from the "About" section for anyone who needs some schooling on weblog etiquette:

If you know me and you are a regular reader of my blog, please inform me. This website is out for public viewing but it starts to feel a bit stalker-ish when people read this and don't tell me. It's like peeking into my open window without saying hello. And if you don't know me...welcome! Please drop an email or feel free to comment. I do appreciate feedback.

Why? WHY??? (I'm down on my knees sobbing)

Oh my God...

I swear that I didn't press delete. I have no clue what the f*** happened.

All of the research that I have done in the past year and a half...the hours and hours which must've amounted to WEEKS of nonstop research if added all up back to back...IT HAS ALL DISAPPEARED!!!! All of my art resource bookmarks...the galleries, grants, residencies, web pages with more links, photo and art organizations, all of the possible opportunities, WORLDWIDE! GONE!!!

All of my hard work down the drain!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Sunday, February 8, 2004

Stars

While searching around online, I found this great quote by Oscar Wilde:

"We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars..."


It makes me think of my Natoma Home series.

It's all about seeing beauty in everything.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

33

It's my birthday today! I am now thirty-three years old. (Still considered early 30's. Next year will be different...I will be entering my mid 30's. Yikes!)

Saturday, January 31, 2004

Beautiful

There is a street lined with eucalyptus trees on my way to the SPC where I volunteer. The curving branches have an almost magical silver glow when the morning sunlight hits them.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Spotting

I've been thinking how much I miss my days of spotting prints for Michael Kenna. I would wake up sometime between 9-10 am and go through a leisurely morning ritual of showering, eating, and checking my email. I'd get my brushes and dyes out, make a pot of tea or coffee, and sit down at a little table in the sunny living room with a view of my neighborhood. The next 4-7 hours would be spent meticulously placing little dots of dye on Michael's prints while listening to books on tape. Prudence, my roommate's cat, kept me company as she followed the patches of sun on the floor (I called her "the sun patch kitty"). This methodical process of cleaning up prints is called spotting and the little dots would cover up dust spots and unwanted light areas. It was very meditative and peaceful. I loved sitting in the sun and feeling completely autonomous.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Life and Death

What a busy weekend! I started my volunteer training at the Suicide Prevention Center on Saturday and then had my first catering gig that very night. Then my friend Cynthia dropped by after spending the last 4 months traveling all over the world. Whew!


Some sad news...Helmut Newton, the great fashion photographer, died on Saturday. He was an influential figure in the photography world. Rest in Peace.



...The other day I saw what looked like an old bird's nest sitting atop a no parking sign. There was even some grass sprouting from it. I had the vision of a little bird being resourceful with its survival tactics. I saw a determined and unstoppable creature. Life pushes on.

Friday, January 23, 2004

A List

One of the places that I submitted my art to required that I come up with a list. I wasn't too happy about doing it. Isn't it enough work to have to send a resume, statement, bio, slides/jpegs, and a photo of yourself? In the end, it was a bit entertaining for me. Here it is:


The stuff that is all over my computer desk at this very moment:

-Crumbs

-Tape measure

-Orange earplugs

-Photographs

-Hairclip

-Pens

-Bubbles, the Powderpuff Girl talking doll

-Magazines

-A large, dried leaf

-Padlock

-A tattered San Francisco Muni Map

-Darkroom keys

-A fortune from a fortune cookie

-2 film canisters with beach sand from Thailand

-Unpaid bills

-Video arcade card

-Sticky notes with miscellaneous information stuck onto everything

-An ever-growing paper pile of all sorts of stuff that I continue to ignore

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Buggy

While eating some rye crackers, I found a little, dried out, dead bug on its back on one of them. I placed the bug-cracker on top of the bag and left a note saying that I found a bug inside. I was going to make an arrow pointing to the cracker...but didn't. When I came home, I noticed that the bag was more empty.
Amparo: "Didn't you see my note?"

John: "Yeah, but they looked alright."

Amparo: "Where did that cracker go?"

John: "Which one?"

Amparo: "The one that was on top...the one with the bug."

He sees the look on my face and then his calm face turns to shock.

John: "I ate it!"

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Lee Bontecou

One of most impressive exhibits I've seen in a while was the Lee Bontecou retrospective this weekend. An amazing artist who achieved fame in the 1960's and 70's (which was no easy feat for a woman back in those days). She ducked out of the public eye for the last 30 years to rest, explore, and expand. The show at the UCLA Hammer museum displays the last 50 years of this woman's work that touches both the darkness of humanity and the lyricism of dreams . What I also found was a passionate individual unable to stop creating despite being out of the public's eye. A true artist.

Thursday, January 8, 2004

Yum!

Tonight I had fish guts (fish maw) and all kinds of other yummy things for dinner at Palms Thai Restaurant complete with a Thai Elvis impersonator for entertainment. Oh what fun! I do need to get out more often with my friends. I think that LA may have more to discover than I think. One must always keep an open mind and make no assumptions after all.


I'm also wondering when I'll get back to eating healthy and moderately again. I definitely couldn't do it tonight when there was so much to enjoy!

Sunday, January 4, 2004

Back

I'm back from San Francisco. I had such a great time with what seemed like too little time. I couldn't fit in seeing everyone. NYE was awesome; got together with my old party crew with a couple of my best SF friends Pete and Jessie. We went to an underground warehouse party but ended up hanging out in the hallway most of the time. We just enjoyed talking to each other. Pete had a friend who live there so we all used his room as the chill area later on. I feel a little disappointed that I didn't get my groove on too much, but it was nice to catch up with everyone instead. I was also having such a great time that I forgot to take photos of that night so I can't post any as planned.


As the night wore on, the music became hard and scary. What is up with that? And what happened to feel-good music that isn't trancey? Perhaps I am just growing out of the scene and I am okay with that since it is almost completely dead anyways. I am also okay with moving on because I have other priorities in life and other things to explore but dammit, sometimes I just want to dance all night and I haven't found anywhere to inspire me to do so in a long time.


We all started commenting on what it was like out there and John said something like, "This room has become a shelter, like a shelter from a storm...We are being sheltered from the techno storm!"

My God, that was hilarious and that was what it was like!

But I was among wonderful people so I had a beautiful time. Lots of laughs and hugs.

Now, I am restless for something more. I don't want to return to SF, but I want to live somewhere (just for a little while) like NYC, Tokyo, Paris, or even London. I love the energy of the bustling cities. I feel that so much can happen. I'll just have to continue making things happen at home in the meantime.
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